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What started as a joke between two friends is now your favorite Laura Dern podcast! Here we celebrating the big Derns, the little Derns, and everything in-between those two Derns.
Episodes
Tuesday May 12, 2020
Tuesday May 12, 2020
Hello Dern-wads!
Needless to say we have another birthday boy! Nic is 23 and one year closer to catching up with Max. He chose to speak about the bananas 2007 reality show 'Kid Nation' for his birthday special. As Dern drifts closer and closer to a Goop adjacent position in the celebrity world we yeed and hawed about this spectacular romp of 40 children set loose in a desert town with minimal supervision and the producer implantation of class warfare. It is truly a hoot (check it out and enjoy the madness).
Between the Dern's we delved into Paul F. Tompkins Rhea Seehorns 'Hate Mail' - a lovely play (via Zoom) that should be available to the public shortly. As well as 'Blinded By The Light' a 2019 very feel good film featuring the heavy use of Bruce Springsteen and Maggie Thatcher era counter-culture revolution (a wet dream combo for Nic).
This was a pretty easy going episode, and I don't need to transcribe everything. Do enjoy, next week we will be back on the wagon for a rip-roaring full length standard format eppy.
Stay tuned and hit us below with literally any questions or comments. And do tell your pals about us!
Email: dernafterreading@gmail.com
Instagram: @dernafterreadingpod
Twitter: @dernafterreadingpod
Tuesday May 05, 2020
Tuesday May 05, 2020
We are one case into this Dern-mania spectacular (and we could not be more respectfully horned up for our lady Laura Dern)
As we prepare for the ball event of the year (NIC's birthday) we enjoyed one more standard format Dern-cast before the big show - which is to this point still and undecided mystery cliffhanger.
Nic got us going this week with a spectacular BIG DERN, 'The Founder' a 2016 Michael Keaton led biopic of notorious fuck-hole Ray Kroc. This fill tells the tale of his thieving of McDonalds from the brothers who poured their blood-sweat-and tears into it. Needless to say Nic tore the 36-year-dead Ray a new B-Hole for his soulless actions. Laura Dern played his first wife in this feature film, who he also screwed out of any Mc-D's money. Long story short is is a beautifully shot and dressed movie about a literal burger Hitler.
Between our Dern's we didn't have much to discuss - listen for details.
Max regaled us with about 3 minuets of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt (S. 3, E.3) then I don't Rea;lly recall what he jabbered about.
All around we had a good time - we loved you and one another very much - do listen and pretend you are sitting with us.
The NICOLAS CALABRESE BIRTHDAY SPECTACULAR will be live PROMPTLY Monday - do send us cash money to keep with audio shindig pumping along. Also please share us around on your social media - we want as many folks as possible to hear this gobbledygook.
Stay tuned and hit us below with literally any questions or comments.
Email: dernafterreading@gmail.com
Instagram: @dernafterreadingpod
Twitter: @dernafterreadingpod
Monday Apr 27, 2020
Monday Apr 27, 2020
Another day another cult horror film(?) and karate kid led television melodrama.
As we (Max, Nic, and Lady Laura Dern) begin to settle into this new world we march onward into the deep and beautiful ocean that is the filmography of our already named main squeeze. Before we got the wheels rolling, we mulled over the omen that was the too soon departure of [REDACTED] Goldfish Dern, as well as a due apology from Max to our friend/sworn enemy Jesse, and a dream of Laura from Nic.
Max kicked us off with the BIG DERN 'Grizzly II: The Concert' a very storied 1987 cult horror film. One of Laura Dern's first and ever-so-brief rolls - she, along with George Clooney and Charlie Sheen are killed off on a hiking trip by our totally-not-a-Jaws-ripoff bear megavillian. Although one of the only available cuts of this film is a fan edit intercut with attack scenes from another film (as a producer ran off with most of the capital before the animatronic scenes were in the can). One cannot truly describe this film, Max did his best, needless to say a vindictive evil bear attacks a music festival that won't cancel despite the threat of bear mauling. It is actually very much like 'Jaws', with a few colorful racist stereotypes peppered in for bad taste.
Between our sacred Dern's this week, Nic had an odd week, taking in 'Night at The Museum: Secret of The Tomb" (2014), finishing up 'Everything is Eventual' a Stephen King Joint, and indulging in a fellow audio program 'Podcast The Ride'. Max followed suit checking out the aforementioned podcast 'Sport Alcohol'. Of course we heed and hawed some more, you can give a listen for the nitty gritty.
Nic took on a sizable LITTLE DERN in 'The Three Wishes of Billy Grier' a 1984 television epic about a 15 year old who contracts a rapid aging disease and goes on a journey to play in a jazz band, drive a car, and make love to a woman (as well as meet his dad is a weird sub-mission). Hal Holbrook (a Nic favorite) also shows up as Billys (Ralph Macchio) grandpa, and Laura Dern is his briefly shown and mentioned girlfriend - who is ultimately forgotten when Billy runs away and bones an older stripper as he settles into his comical old age makeup (see episode title). This film is a low-fi rollercoaster of plot holes, confusing emotions, heavy handed symbolism, and of course made up diseases. We here at DAR can wholeheartedly say this is a must see film, under no circumstance should you finish this week without viewing it for free on Youtube.
That is all we really have for you this week, please forgive the little technical hiccup near the end, and do your best to stay active and happy. Progress and accomplishment are relative - and we (Dern included) believe you are doing just fine. *a gentle kiss of the forehead*
Please consider using some of your downtime this week to rate, review, and share our podcast on your media of choice. Anything helps, as we continue our goal to never hear "who is that" when we talk about our podcast. Stay tuned and hit us below with literally any questions or comments.
Email: dernafterreading@gmail.com
Instagram: @dernafterreadingpod
Twitter: @dernafterreadingpod
Tuesday Apr 21, 2020
Tuesday Apr 21, 2020
Welcome all Derners of The American Revolution!
We are back with our most solidified format, and quite a bit of Dern to lay on you. Our paramour, Lady Laura is staying safe at home in some snazzy new PJ's (gifted to her by the lovely Robin Wright) and helping out some charities - as is the way of the celebrity in these times. Life is going on, Nic has become one with the land and is in a longterm committed relationship with a woodchuck, and Max is eating from a mound of stale birthday cake three stories above the streets of Philadelphia (little has changed).
We got started this week with a BIG DERN by Nic, 'Lonely Hearts', the 2006 Travolta/Gandolfini led Neo-noir cop drama. It follows the true story of Raymond Fernandez (Jared Leto) and Martha Beck (Salma Hayek) 'The Lonely Heart Killers' as they conned and later killed women in cross country spree and relationship we can only describe as insanely toxic. They were closely hunted by some top notch Long Islandy cops (who happen to employ a H-O-T Lond Island tongued Laura Dern as a desk worker and romantic partner to Travolta) until everything ends in a head with a dead kid in a tricycle box and our two con artists frying at Sing-Sing. Worth the watch, pop some corn and get at it!
Between our Derns this week Max did some Wiki snooping into the Philadelphia Poison Ring, a fantastic tale of old world Italian superstition and insurance fraud on a massive scale. Nic rode a HALF MARATHON (on his bike, which still counts) and watched a few things like 'Crip Camp' (2020) a fantastic documentary about disability, humanity, and hippies. And read 'Our Town', the fantastic 1938 Thornton Wilder play about Americana, small town life, and life in general (it is like the carousel of progress but a play, A+).
Max took the LITTLE DERN to town this week with the 2002 Scholastic short film 'Goose', based on the Molly Bang book (and Caldecott Medal RUNNER UP) of the same name, which tells the story of a goose raised by a family of woodchucks. Through some fun misadventure and growing up the goose grows weary, and is shook out of the blues by the discovery of flight! All of this is told in the words of none other than Mrs.Laura Dern.
That is all we have for you, our adoring public, this week. Stay tuned for a fantastic week of movies next time (seriously, we are SHAKING). Wash your hands, don't hoard, and don't gather in mass to protest heath and safety measures...do it (and don't do it) for Dern. xoxo, stay safe.
Please follow us, give us your feedback, share us around, and stay tuned for more Dern!
Email: dernafterreading@gmail.com
Instagram: @dernafterreadingpod
Twitter: @dernafterreadingpod
Wednesday Apr 15, 2020
Wednesday Apr 15, 2020
LIVE from quarantined Pennsylvania your favorite team of as-yet-to-be-infected movie talk about people are back! (Via Zoom of course). To throw yet another curveball in the format for you loyal followers - we also did our first birthday special to celebrate the aging of Max. We are doing our best to adjust to the situation and will be supplying you, our adoring public, with Dern adjacent content until the end of days.
For the birth of Max, as dictated arbitrarily by Nic, he got to force us to watch any film his heart desired! His heart chose the 1993 Robert Altman mega-casted "Short Cuts". This film follows about 22 people (including Huey Lewis, Jack Lemmon, and Lily Tomlin to name a very few) on an intersecting journey of luck, loss, and infidelity. To save you the gory details, we listed out most of the films big points in the episode - we did our best but do advise you check it our for yourself (contact us for a copy but don't tell Fine Line Features (SHHHH)).
Along with that we discussed the states of our unions, hobnobbed, talked about what we are reading (Max- The Decameron- a 1353 collection of 100 bawdy tales of life and religion following the bubonic plague) (Nic - Everything is Eventual - a great early 2000's collection of Stephen King short stories).
In these trying times - all we can do is our best. Read, create, listen to things you enjoy. If you can support businesses and artists you like please do. Through our love of Dern and movies we will all make it through this with our sanity and movie counts bigger and better. Until then...please follow us, give us your feedback, share us around, and stay tuned for more Dern!
Email: dernafterreading@gmail.com
Instagram: @dernafterreadingpod
Twitter: @dernafterreadingpod
Thursday Apr 09, 2020
Thursday Apr 09, 2020
Hello to our adoring public.
While Covid-19 makes life more difficult for us all, we figured you would enjoy this little rifftrax style bonus episode that will supplement our last released KOTH special. It is a little rough around the edges - and may be taken down for copyright infringement within the hour.
It is best you listen to this as soon as possible.
But do not fret, new episodes will begin to drop this very Monday! We love you all and miss you dearly. Please stay safe and inside! Wash your hands and also moisturize.
See you soon, xoxo
Max and Nic
Monday Mar 23, 2020
Monday Mar 23, 2020
The world may be slowly receding into an isolationist pandemic apocalypse - and in the spirit of that we have decided to create this more 'free wheeling' cartoon special (as compared to the usual hard-hitting and well researched film critiques you are all used to from us).
After some on the fly Bruce Dern research, we went into 'Joust Like a Woman', the early 2002 episode featuring Dern as 'Serving Wench' and Alan Rickman as 'King Philip'. In this episode, loaded with some great sight gags and honest character development, Hank is trying to close a Propane deal with the local renaissance faire and falls in love with it. Peggy tries to settle into a job there but faces inequality and sexism against her fellow 'wenches' including Dern. After some dishonor, Hank is defeated in jousting by the King and Peggy then defeats him who is further dunked on by Dern and wenches who serve him with a workers rights suit.
Between two Derns this week we meandered a bit - instead of I writing it all out and you not reading this section of the bio... why not just listen? xoxo love you
The second episode, 'Patch Boomhauer', the 2003 season opener features Dern as 'Katherine' (and Brad Pitt as the titular Patch Boomhauer). Katherine is the regular Boomhauers old flame, who comes home with his brother Patch to get married! As you can imagine this stirs up trouble, especially when it is revealed that Patch is a grade A creep. Needless to say hilarity ensues, the engagement is broken, and Katherine leaves town to never be seen again - leaving Boomhauer to die alone (presumably).
Both of these episodes of KOTH can be found on Hulu.
Until next time dear listeners, please stay safe and stay inside! Laura Dern will get us through this together. And we do hope you enjoyed our looser, from the hip podcasting style. In times like this it is all we really can do.
Please follow us, give us your feedback, share us around, and stay tuned for more Dern!
Email: dernafterreading@gmail.com
Instagram: @dernafterreadingpod
Twitter: @dernafterreadingpod
Tuesday Mar 17, 2020
Tuesday Mar 17, 2020
Despite the ongoing health crisis, and death of Goldfish Dern, we have decided to continue bringing laughter and Dern knowledge to the masses. It is the very least we can do in this trying time.
Max lead us off this week with his utterly resentful recounting of the 2017 film 'Downsizing'. Although the plot of this film sways around in a way I feel English writing cannot describe. To boil it down, it become scientifically possible and a fad to shrink people down to dollhouse size to save money and the environment. Boston Boy Matt Damon gets abandoned by his wife while going through the process and lives a sad childless middle-aged mans life helping people in the tiny slums and eventually almost foes into a bunker with the inventor of the shrinking process (who he gets to meet for some reason). Laura Dern is in the movie for less than two minuets as a model for the procedure, married to Neil Patrick Harris.
Between two Ferns this week Nic gets into his guilt pleasure 'steak meal' film, 'Goodfellas' (1990), as well as his absolutely fantastic #1 LGBT vampire pic of the week, the new 'Dracula' (2020) on Netflix (seriously check it out). Max on the other hand discusses his body and its complexities.
To finish us off Nic delved back into 'Little Fockers: Behind The Scenes' (2010). This charming reel of interviews and clips gives a nice look into the process by which this big budget - star packed film was made. Dern pops up twice in this DVD Bonus Feature to say she enjoyed her time working on this film and the humor she got to portray and participate in. May this be the last Focker film to grace this podcast, or for that matter the world.
Anyway, that is all for this week, until we transmit once more from our hypoallergenic bunker deep underneath Philadelphia, PA. Please follow us, give us your feedback, share us around, and stay tuned for more Dern!
Email: dernafterreading@gmail.com
Instagram: @dernafterreadingpod
Twitter: @dernafterreadingpod
Monday Mar 09, 2020
Monday Mar 09, 2020
Despite the tragic death of goldfish Dern, we have chosen to press on this week with our previously scheduled show - it is what they would have wanted.
Nic got us rolling with the epic retelling of the third installment in the 'Meet The Parents' trilogy, 'Little Fockers'. This 2010 star studed film shows us the Fockers and De'Neros (Byrneses) 10 years on with the same ol' lack of communication leading to comedic misunderstanding...and they have two kids now too! Don't let the sarcasm fool you, this is a good movie, even if Dern only graces the screen as an ex-lover of Owen Wilson for about 6 minuets.
Between the Derns we delve into the intricacies and politics of 'South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut' (1999) and its joining television series. We also discus the storied work of Richard Linklater and his next linear film project (which Nic is Hyped about).
Finally Max brings us home with the small Dern, 'Recount', a 2008 HBO drama about the wildly messed up 2000 election. In this we see Dern in her glory portraying Katherine Harris (hot citrus Jesus politician) in her nutty and for sure payed off antics around the possible miscount in her state. This was a rollercoaster from start to finish and really fueled this podcasts stance that the Bush family runs America. Oh, and Keven Spacey shows up...so gross.
Anyway, that is all we have for you this week, around the fire, spinning yards of Derns that was and were. Please follow us, give us your feedback, share us around, and stay tuned for more Dern!
Email: dernafterreading@gmail.com
Instagram: @dernafterreadingpod
Twitter: @dernafterreadingpod
Monday Mar 02, 2020
Monday Mar 02, 2020
BaCk In ThE sAdDlE aGaIn BaBy - Dern is going USA all THE way
(sorry about that)
This week was a slow week for Dern news, but she deserves a rest after her hectic and victorious awards season. While our queen (who stiffed us on being guesting this week) slumbers, we decided by our random lottery system to go back to 1989 and 1999 respectively to see some sultry and scandalous Dern rolls of yesteryear.
Max got us going with the big Dern 'Fat Man and Little Boy', the star studded WWII historical drama about the making of the atomic bombs that would be dropped on Japan and subsequently end the war. Of course it is not as simple as that, Robert Oppenheimer (portrayed by Dwight Schultz of A-Team and TV fame) has a steamy affair with a commie - and Laura Dern (playing sexy nurse) falls in love with scientist John Cusack in a shoehorned romance sub-plot. Oh, and Mr.Salad Dressing himself Paul Newman shows up too!
Between the Derns this week we discussed tinfoil-hat book 'Family of Secrets' by Russ Baker, which delves into the Bush family and their possible connections to basically every political unrest from the Kennedy Assassination to now. We also discuss 'The Simpsons' which needs no further description.
Nic finished us up with the little Dern 'A Season for Miracles', a smash hit Hallmark Original Christmas film. In which Laura Dern plays a drug addict mother who's children are looked after cum kidnapped by her sister. They make it to Bethlehem, PA (Where Nic spent very much of his life) where they squat in a house and are mistaken for its retiring inherited owner. Needless to say the sister falls for the town cop, a real life corporeal angel helps to push off the kidnapping investigation, Laura Dern is written out of the story as she is a sinner in the eyes of an angry Hallmark, and sed cop proposes to the sister in court so they can be a couple to raise these stolen kids. *whew*
All in all, a pretty Americana week, and two not awful movies in the gran scheme of Dern rolls.
That will be all for this week, please follow us, give us your feedback, share us around, and stay tuned for more Dern!
Email: dernafterreading@gmail.com
Instagram: @dernafterreadingpod
Twitter: @dernafterreadingpod